protective behaviours
The Ways we sooth big feelings
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Recently in my journal I wrote......"A messy house keeps me occupied. I have something to do when I am trying to avoid big feelings". I've let this thought perculate for the week and gently noticed other messages from Life prompting my attention to explore this behaviour more deeply.
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I have come to know some things about this behaviour. What I have discovered is this. For me cleaning serves a purpose. When I do not have the capacity to meet a big feeling I move my attention and energy to cleaning. I put things away, wipe things down and I refocus myself on the mess and I get upset about that. The anger, frustration and upset distracts me from the original feeling that led me to the behaviour of cleaning.
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As I begin the process of unpacking this behaviour, I reflect back on my childhood experiences and the messages I received from the culture I've grown up in as a female. I am fully aware of how significant these two aspects of life are to how I operate in the present.
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Through my mentoring with Marion Rose, Ph.D. my understanding of these types of patterns has changed. With Marion's guidance I now see this behaviour as learned and serving a purpose. I now have the capacity and process to meet the behaviour with love and gratitude. The behaviour has been meeting a need. For all these years..........meeting a need. Now, if I were to speak directly to it I'd say.... "Thank you for keeping me safe. Yes, those feelings have felt too big. I appreciate that you have been my companion soothing me at times when I have felt so uncomfortable I've wanted to escape" The sensation of awe rises in me when I feel into the way we humans adapt to our life experiences.
And so, I am exploring the need that sits at the root of this behaviour. I deeply trust in the time that this has emerged, and the process through which I am invited to respond. Love and compassion are it's foundations. As a therapeutic support to others, I am deeply committed to my own healing practices and processes. The more I meet myself and the parts calling for love and attention, the greater is my capacity to guide and support others. One can not happen, without the other. The more we uncover and heal, the more our soul can shine through.
I wonder if this resonates with you? There are many ways we create space between ourselves and our feelings. We might smoke, drink, run, clean, chew nails, watch TV, scroll socials. What behaviours do you repeat that sooth you when big feelings arise? Are you willing to pause and feel the next time you are compelled to carry out the behaviour?
I send you all my love as you explore this for yourself. I'm here and I'm listening. To receive my support I am available for 1:1 sessions exploring the root of behaviours and supporting what needs to be heard and healed.
